Hello Again, 2020

It’s been awhile since I’ve interacted with the blog, for many obvious reasons. Even Instagram has been dark for ages. For the first time in forever (since I started using social media probably), I took a large step back these past months. Just to beat a dead horse, the world is truly in a state of flux and life hasn’t felt “real” in months. I left NYC mid-march a 1/2 week after returning to Europe, fully intending and expecting to be back within the week. It was cold, I was exhausted and emotional and trying to get back in my groove after a week abroad.

I flew to Chicago to see my family there first, before going to South Haven and then to East Lansing with my brother before being picked up and driven back to the east side of Michigan. I worked from home, mostly in sweats from my high school years since I only packed one extra outfit. Watching Harry Potter in the afternoon and going to bed at 9pm kept me going during the truly dreary and grey Michigan “Spring.” (My Pinterest mood board highlights for 2Q are below – truly speaks to the cold quarantine vibes.)

It never occurred to me how long I would be here until recently. Even in Spring and early Summer I was thinking I was going to head back to NYC mid June, or by July. Now my company has confirmed we can work from home until 2021 and I’ve decided not to renew my lease. I have to return to move things into storage in August, and nothing is scarier.

It’s upsetting to let my life in NYC go for the moment, despite knowing that life there isn’t the same. The restaurants are open in the streets and to masked visitors and seeing that is tempting. The opportunity to live at home and continue working while I rework my future in NYC is too good to pass up, however, and so I will be here until further notice.

This has been a time for reflection and growth for me, but also a time full of struggle and many steps back. What began as an opportunity mindset shifted into self-pity and for the last month has been a mix of both, depending on the day, hour, or my caffeine level.

One thing that is certain is that the future is constantly changing and everybody is dealing with unprecedented changes. This will affect each of us differently, and it’s important to remember there is no wrong way to react to and deal with this. I have to remind myself everyday among the many pitfalls, but we keep moving forward and hoping for better days ahead, or different days at the very least.

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